Il mio dolore | EmilianoManciniSongwriter

Le tue mani
non più forti come ieri
non più grandi come quando
giocavamo io e te.
Ormai spento per sempre
quel sorriso nei tuoi occhi
quando scherzavamo ed ero bambina.

Lo so che tu
sei orgoglioso di me
ma è dura andare avanti
senza te.

Intanto rido dal dolore
mentre prendo calci in bocca
dalla vita
senza pietà
trattengo lacrime
dentro di me
per non mostrare al mondo quel che provo

Già non squilla
il telefono la sera
per scherzare, litigare
o a volte parlare.

Io rimpiango lo sai
non averti detto mai
quanto grande sia il mio amore
per te.

Per questo rido dal dolore mentre dentro
colmo fiumi con lacrime
inesorabili, nell’intimità
senza far scoprire
a tutti quanto sia il male che fa.

Non ho voglia di lasciarti andare
senza te io sto troppo male
Non ho voglia, ma devo continuare
anche se è ingiusto senza te.

Intanto grido dal dolore
mentre già non prendo calci
dalla vita,
fino a quando chissà
Sprigiono lacrime
fuori di me
per dimostrare al mondo quel che provo
Per questo grido per cacciare via il dolore
dal mio corpo con lacrime
irrefrenabili, con spontaneità
lenendo con fatica
senza premura tutto il male che c’è.

This song was born from a true story—that of a friend who opened her heart to me.
It speaks of the void that remains when the hands that once held us up become nothing more than a memory, and of how the absence of those everyday gestures can weigh as heavily as a boulder. It is a journey that begins with hiding one’s tears—so as "not to show the world what one is feeling"—and leads to the courage to cry out that pain, in order to finally begin to soothe it. To anyone currently facing a loss: you are not alone in your silence.

Your hands,
no longer strong like yesterday,
no longer big like when
you and I used to play.
Faded forever now,
that smile in your eyes
when we used to joke and I was a little girl.

I know that you
are proud of me,
but it is hard to move on
without you.

Meanwhile, I laugh from the pain

(In Italian, the expression "rido dal dolore" "I laugh from the pain" is a distortion of the phrase "grido dal dolore" "I cry out from the pain")
while I take kicks to the mouth from life, without mercy.

(In Italian, "prendere calci in bocca" is a powerful, violent idiom meaning to be brutally beaten down by life's circumstances. The literal translation "kicks in the mouth" is kept because it preserves the raw, physical violence of the original image better than a softer phrase like "life treats me harshly")
I hold back tears
deep inside me
so as not to show the world what I feel.

Already, the phone doesn't ring
in the evening,

(The Italian structure "Già non squilla" emphasizes an abrupt, painful change that has already become the new, silent reality)
to joke, to argue,
or sometimes just to talk.

I regret it, you know,
never having told you
how great my love is
for you.

That’s why I laugh from the pain, while inside
I fill rivers with tears

(A classic hyperbole "colmo fiumi con lacrime" that evokes an internal flood of grief kept hidden from the outside world)

relentless, in my intimacy,
without letting anyone discover
how much it actually hurts.

I don’t want to let you go,
without you, I am hurting too much.
I don’t want to, but I must keep going,
even if it feels unfair without you.

Meanwhile, I scream from the pain (Notice the shift from the first stanza: "rido" (I laugh) becomes "grido" (I scream). The emotional wall has broken down, moving from hidden, silent despair to an explosive, vocal release)
while I no longer take kicks (Another shift: the external blows of life have stopped, meaning the pain has now fully moved inward, or that the singer has become numb to external hardships)
from life,
until when, who knows?
I unleash tears
outside of me
to show the world what I feel.
That’s why I scream to chase the pain away
from my body, with uncontrollable tears (The Italian "irrefrenabili" means unstoppable or uncontainable, marking the final stage of grief where the emotional floodgates finally burst open), with spontaneity,
wearily soothing

(The phrase "lenendo con fatica" shows that healing is an exhausting, active struggle, not a passive passage of time),
without haste, all the pain that is there.